How To Get Over A Breakup

How To Get Over A Breakup

Whether you were the one who decided to leave someone, or someone left you, it can bring on a tide of negative emotions. Don't even get me started if there is TRAUMA attached to that break up, but that is a whole different blog post. We will keep it simple for now. What you need to know is that what you're going through is normal, and while it may take some time to sort through these emotions, you will get through it. Say it out loud right now, come on "I WILL GET THROUGH THIS".

Ending a relationship is always a difficult situation regardless of why you've broken up. Everyone is out of sorts when going through a breakup—they could feel sad, angry, or depressed, but that is part of the process.

When going through a breakup, people go through a process called DABDA, where the first D stands for denial, A for anger, B for bargaining, D for depression, and A for acceptance.

As the name implies, when people go through the denial phase, they "deny" everything happening around them. They don't believe that they're going through a breakup, and they seem hopeful that everything will get back to normal. I also would encourage not to deny the FACTS of your relationship. A lot of the time when we are in love or have history we begin building stories or making excuses for ourselves, our partner. Sometimes the key to avoiding denial is realizing maybe this relationship wasn't as fairytale feeling as you thought when you can finally step back and realize it might of actually been pretty darn toxic. I encourage you, grab a pen, paper, your notes section in your iPhone and right down in bullet points all the reasons you're here in the midst of this break up. You may just discover that this is the push you've needed to free yourself. Step out of your own emotions for a second and evaluate the actions that led to this. However, when you start to realize that there's no hope of getting back, sometimes we move to anger to justify the negative emotions.

Then, similar to a toddler who can't seem to get what they want after throwing tantrums, they bargain. Bargaining happens when people seem to want to do everything in their power to turn things back to the way they used to be. When that doesn't materialize, we feel hopeless and become depressed. Girl, you are totally allowed to MISS someone, even miss the good parts of your love you once had, but that does not mean you NEED what you had. It's important you remember that you are a woman deserving of love in the most kind, respectful and honoring way. Your memories may never fade away but that doesn't mean there are not more ahead. 

With enough time and some much-needed introspection, we eventually realize that there's nothing else left to do but to move on. Here, we accept the fact that what happened has now become part of the past. We can't do anything about it anymore and hope that what happened will serve as a lesson for future things.

Now what to do?

When going through a breakup, many things seem to be beyond your control, but you can look after yourself and focus on the things you can handle. Start by changing up your self care routine. Being in a relationship can cause you to feel as though you have created a way of living including your significant other. Slowly change up your routine with a little things like hanging out with friends, eating at new restaurants, exploring places you've never been, or even enjoy a solo self care day. As time goes on your routine will completely change for the better.  

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You can also talk to people. But, of course, a lot of people give their 2 cents worth of advice—yes, even unsolicited ones. So, what you can do is filter the noise and follow only the advice of those people you would gladly take criticisms from.


You can also give yourself some space. If you choose to bury yourself in work, you can do so. If you choose to have some time off and spend it in a remote location somewhere, go ahead. Alternatively, you can keep yourself busy. Sometimes, the best way to avoid thinking about negative things constantly is to do something else—work, study, anything.


Lastly, spend time loving yourself. There's no better person to help you heal than yourself. You might want to spend some time on some hobbies you've left behind or maybe learn a new skill or two. Self-improvement is a great way to pick up our broken pieces and patch them up again.

Time will heal everything. We hope you picked up a thing or two from this article.

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